Sunday, March 06, 2005

Upgrade to Wife 1.0

Amr Ahmed Shawky, my dear friend sent me this advice :) which is not applicable those days
i am sorry amr i can not upgrade to Wife 1.0 because this will require a new License which i can not pay for it this period. Also my current hardware does not support Wife 1.0 , so i must get a new PC to use it me and Wife1.0 only .
this is Amr Message:

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0
and found that it's a memory hog leaving few system resources for
other applications. He is also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is also
spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable
resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in
the product documentation, though other users have informed me that
this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched
at system initialization where it can monitor all other system
activity. Some applications such as PokerNite 10.3 , Bachelor Party
2.5, and Pubnite 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all,
causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps
worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of
undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law
Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with
each passing day.

Some features my friend would like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0:

* A "don't remind me again" button.
* Minimize button.
* Ability to delete the "headache" file
* An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0
version without loss loss of other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode"
allowing the the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more
useful/effective.

I myself wish I had decided to avoid all of the headaches associated
with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0. Even here, however, I
have found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0
on top of girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first,
otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over
shared use of the I/O port. Other users have told me that this is a
long-standing problem that I should have been aware of. Guess that
explains what happened to versions 1 and 2.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0
doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application
in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of
Girlfriend have annoying little messages about the advantages of
upgrading to Wife 1.0!
VIRUS ALERT

All users should be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If
you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that
happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient
resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try
installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and "never" run any file
transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.

FYI: Don't even think about a shared directory!!!!!!!!!

Submitted to annoyances.org by Robert Wunderlich
Wife 1.0 Tech Support

Question To Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot
of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 10.3, Poker night
10.3, Golf 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favorite
applications. I also can't seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am
thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not
work on this program. Can you help me?

Response:
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to
Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and
still convert back to Girlfriend 1.0. Hidden operating files within
your system would cause Girlfriend 1.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing
is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0
because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to
install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than
original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child
Support.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must
assume ALL responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE as soon as lock-up occurs. In any case, avoid excessive
use of the ESC key because ultimately you will have to give the
APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all
GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is of very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of
Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under
any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not
a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operation system.

Thank you amr for your advice :P

6 comments:

Hashim said...

Al salamo alikom
if any one know about Wife 1.0 or less version which have the hardware required and car to help in the data transfer and will share in the hardware, tell me.
;)

DaBlogBoomBoy said...

yo dawg. i know you probly cant understand this, but that was freakin hilarious!!!!! commmand prompts for houswives???? you are a hooot!!!!!!!!! come check me out some time. youd like my blog.

Hashim said...

Done ;)

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